Author: The Stoner Mom

Photo Review: Cooljarz- Childproof Jars for Stoner Parents

    Helping Paranoid Stoner Parents Relax About their Stash In my last post I went over some tips on safely storing your weed stash. As I said there, marijuana in the house is no more dangerous than alcohol or chemical products. It’s a plant. A weed, and normal parents educate their kids about what not to touch or do in the house. Still, we want to always be as safe as we can, because on rare occasions kids do get into stuff. Having a way to lock up your ganja helps the most helicopter-ish of parents relax. That’s what smoking the...

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Motivational Monday Motherf*cker! sing about me

Some days, while lounging in my minivan in front of the elementary school, I listen to Kendrick Lamar to pass the time that I wait for the kids to be dismissed. Sometimes the sun beats down just right on my skin, seat reclined, and I listen to this song. And I just marvel. Sing About Me, I’m Dying of Thirst is a masterpiece in lyricism, telling a story so beautifully you can’t help but sit for twelve minutes and just listen. Kendrick is so talented, so intelligent, you can be a pampered suburban atheist brat and still be moved to...

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Various Things

  August 21, 2015 Reads of the Week What makes an OG Strain and OG Strain?  A quick read that will shed light for newbies on the magnificent OG Kush. Colorado Court Rules Against Baker Who Refused to Serve Same-Sex Couples. Haha. Sky Pool. Would you swim in this? I bet people are going to flash their private bits all the time.  The Creative Apocalypse that Wasn’t. “In the digital economy, it was supposed to be impossible to make money by making art. Instead, creative careers are thriving — but in complicated and unexpected ways.” The Bail Trap Far more are...

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Video: Stoner Mom Makeup

I love makeup, and I love weed. Put the two together and you have… someone who takes way too long to get ready. You know you’ve got a problem when grinding up some herb is part of your makeup routine....

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First Day of School!!!

Just a picture post from a very bittersweet day for parents everywhere. Today my littles went Back to School!     And you know what housewives get up to when the kids are in school. *toke toke...

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The Stoner’s Coloring Book Preview

When I was a kid I sometimes watched Meet The Osbourne’s, a reality show about rock legend Ozzy Osbourne. Ozzy is kinda known for being unintelligible and I found myself charmed by his doddering idiot ways. In the show Ozzy had a full-sized coloring desk in the kitchen, with a collection of markers that only a rich man would have. occasionally the show would offer a glimpse of Ozzy, carefully filling in elaborate coloring pages. Ozzy Osbourne was a colorer. My jaded teenaged self snorted in derision, and then life went on. Now that I’m the doddering old idiot, I totally...

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The Stoner Mom’s Playlist: Blow My High

Blow My High (Members Only) Today is my last Summer Monday. I wonder if it is for many of you. From the looks of Target’s back-to-school aisle, I suspect that it is. As it turned out, my kids are with their dad this Monday, so I’m spending this day cleaning the flock out of this house. Cleaning always goes enormously well when the house is empty, and so I relish those rare occasions when it is. Another thing that helps a one-day clean-a-thong is entertainment. Music to get your booty shaking is a cleaning must. Today’s Motivational Monday selection...

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Cannabis Strain Mob Boss: Freshly Cut off the Plant

Flowers from my Personal Gardener     Here is our first generation of Mob Boss, a hybrid excellent for tension relief. Personally I think she looks lovely in glass on a tabletop, but she is admittedly a bit too fragrant for that. So after her little photo shoot she goes back under lock and key; to dry and then cure and then be consumed by yours truly. One of the (many) things I love about cannabis, is the hands-on aspect of it. Because we grow it ourselves for my specific needs, it becomes a very personal ongoing project. And...

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Scenes from /summer

A couple of weeks ago my family and I packed up and had a little road trip out to Texas. Texas is where my parents live, and you know how grandparents are about their grandkids.  They gotta see them. And so, every summer we head over there, to eat their food for a week and, if you are my kids, live in the pool. This is the summer my eight year old started to really swim.  The pool at my parents house is 9 feet deep and Victoria just decided it was no thang. Over and over, from one of...

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Ask The Stoner Mom

You Asked, I Answered… Stoned   Today’s video, the first installment of Ask The Stoner Mom, I answer your questions about my kids, my glass, my heritage, and my long term plans for talking to kids about...

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Motivational Monday Motherf*cker! Childish Gambino and Filipinas

Hello my fine readers! Last week I was on a family road trip to Texas, and didn’t get the chance to pop in here at all. I am so happy I’m back home where I can safely blaze it up! The Stoner Mom’s Summer is coming to a close, there are officially two weeks left until school begins! I have so much to do to get ready, and today is a blessing since I am finally completely alone in the house and can organize and prepare fully for the upcoming year. I cannot wait to get back into the rhythm of the...

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Stoner Basics: How To Smoke Weed With A Pipe

Introducing Stoner Basics Hey gorgeous darlings! Today I am happily introducing my new series, Stoner Basics. This web series is dedicated to the nervous-newbie-wannabe-stoner-mom. If you are anything like me, you haven’t been stoned for at least a decade and you need someone to hold your hand through the initiation.That’s where Stoner Basics comes in. Tutorials that will show you in the simplest terms exactly what you need to do to carry out a certain potheaded goal. Like, how the hell are you supposed to hold a pipe? So glad you...

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Motivational Monday Motherf*cker: Are We Dating? Are We Fucking? Are We Best Friends? Are We Something?

I’ve neglected to share a Motivational Monday song for the past few weeks. Apologies my dears, I haven’t been listening to rap music because I’ve been surrounded by children every moment of every day. Now the regular summer schedule has returned and I am able to share my recent obsession, basically anything by Childish Gambino (Donald Glover). Heartbeat has me hooked- yet another rap song about infidelity. I don’t know what to say, there is something about men rapping about their love lives that gets to me every time. A song about the woman who left you for another, a woman...

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Various Things: July 17, 2015

      July 17, 2015 :  Reads of the Week: Is Bohemian Grove the Real Life Secret to True Detective Season 2? No joke, I’m a conspiracy theory and true crime kind of girl. From JonBenet Ramsey to MH370 theories, my brain is a true cavern of useless conspiracy trivia. likely a reason I am so drawn to the show True Detective. Anyway, seeing Bohemian Grove in the headline of a True Detective piece my my brain suddenly click “a ha!” (funny how that always happens after someone tells you the secret). After reading this excellent article I’m crossing my...

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Harvest

The fertile women in the basement are reaching maturity. Quietly, under lock and key, they hum along. From seed, they mature into these tall, fragrant plants whose flowers give me the chance to breathe, feel happy, stop worrying. See those white crystals? Like frost settling on leaves? Those are trichomes, pure THC, and they are the magic that gets you high.When growing your own weed, you have to keep an eye on the color of those beautiful crystals. Trichomes tell you when the bud is at its peak potency. From translucent, to milky white, and finally amber. One by one the plants are...

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19 Things that Could Happen when Combining Sex and Weed

On Stoned Sex: Of particular interest to the married stoner, the parent stoner, the middle-aged stoner, is how sex and weed go together. Or do they? Today’s article will give you an idea of the many paths your stoned sexual encounters might take. It probably won’t answer any questions though, because the only way to know what sex and weed do to you, is to jump right in and give it a try. It is important that you attempt your first stoned sex session with somebody you trust. There are a ton of factors that affect how a stoner...

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The Stoner Mom Show- Mega Ramble Stoner Sesh

In this episode of The Stoner Mom Show: Talking about television. True Detective, Locked Up Abroad, Soaked in Bleach. Smoking Bio Diesel topped with Blue Dream Shatter and getting really baked. Looking particularly cute because it was the anniversary of meeting my (future) husband! Requesting questions for an upcoming Ask the Stoner Mom Q&A. Send me questions!...

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An Online Home- Before The Stoner Mom Blog

Twelve Years of Blogging Maybe you’ve noticed this place got a cute makeover. The Stoner Mom’s blog was having an identity crisis. I’ve been having the increased desire to go whole hog on this place, because I believe in it and I believe other mom’s out there do too. Today’s post is about my history with blogging. Blogging has been part of my life for the past twelve years, so I guess it’s officially a treasured hobby. It utilizes the weird set of skills that I have, from building a website to writing intelligent copy to providing impactful images for said...

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The Greenhouse

I am very blessed that my husband has a green thumb. He’s just good at stuff. I have always wanted a proper victory garden, forgoing produce from Mexico for produce from my yard. Unfortunately my charred, black thumb has always held me back from this dream. Enter marriage 2.0 and all the things I want are created from my main homie’s skills. This summer he built a small greenhouse in the backyard and has filled it with goodies. Lettuce, strawberries, basil, spinach, kale, tomatos, cucumbers, squash and a little weed plant or two.   We’ve been working on getting our...

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