Weed for Beginners | The Basics Behind Getting Stoned

Everyone Has To Start Somewhere

The purpose of this blog is to shine the spotlight on a silent demographic: the stay-at-home, suburban, stoner-mom (and dad!) set. Marijuana use for the middle-aged and middle-class is quickly shedding any taboo status. I believe more and more moms on the sidelines at soccer practice will be willing to admit that a discreet bong rip is often preferable to the socially accepted glass(es) of wine.

I’m not alone in believing this. Marijuana is legal in some form or another in 23 states and the District of Columbia. On a federal level,legislature has passed that prohibits US agencies from raiding pot shops in states that have legalized medical marijuana. Four states — Colorado, Washington, Oregon, Alaska, and the District of Columbia — have legalized recreational marijuana and are reaping the millions in tax revenue that come with it.

Here in Colorado, where The Stoner Mom lives, our public schools are flourishing in funding from recreational pot. Dispensaries are heavily regulated, with complex property rules in place to help keep the value and beauty of our cities in Metro Denver. In other words, it’s not all ‘wrong-side-of-the-tracks, with crackhead-looking people wandering about, high out of their minds on … pot.

So, with weed as popular as it’s ever been, it’s easy to understand that a vast amount of these users are mothers and fathers. And here is where I share a little secret that politicians can’t admit out loud: parents that smoke pot are not monsters.  Since you guys aren’t monsters, and since everyone has to start somewhere, I’ve created this post just for you. Educate yourself to your heart’s content, knowing that all around your city there are countless others doing the same damn thing, and not acting at all like a person under the influence. However, there are a lot of happy mofo’s out there. Let’s begin.

Weed For Beginners: The basics behind getting stoned (because everyone has to start somewhere!

You really can’t be blamed for not knowing this stuff.

Cannabis Cliff Notes: Terms you Should Know

Cannabis: A tall plant with a stiff upright stem, divided serrated leaves, and glandular hairs. It is used to produce hemp fiber and as a psychotropic drug in extract, ingestible, or smokable.

Marijuana: A dried preparation of leaves and female flowers of the hemp plant. Used as a psychotropic and anti-inflammatory drug.

Cannabinoids: The chemical compounds that are the active principles of marijuana. Naturally occurring in plants, animals, and humans; isolated from marijuana alone are at least 85 known cannabinoids, the most well-known being THC (the psychoactive compound we know and love) and CBD (the non-psychoactive compound that’s been finding it’s way in headlines for treating children and toddlers with epilepsy).
Cannabinoids exhibit various effects and can treat a wide assortment of ailments such as Cancer, Epilepsy, chronic pain, nausea, lack of appetite, Glaucoma, ADHD, Multiple Sclerosis, Alzheimer’s, Tourettes, migraines, seizures, and much, much more. Check out this chart from Leafly that shows some known cannabinoids with medical value.

Leafly Cannabinoid chart

Cannabinoids for all!

Why do people use Cannabis?

There are no known incidents of fatalities by marijuana overdose. There is no connection between marijuana and social/psycho disorders. Like any controlled substance, care should be taken to avoid developing addiction in recreational users. Steps can be taken to cut lung damage and respiratory problems, such as exhaling immediately, smoking weed high in THC, and using a water pipe (Bong!). Medical patients are encouraged to use vaporizers as an alternative to smoking, as well as tinctures and edibles.

Indica Strains vs Sativa Strains

Cannabis plants come in two main classifications.; Cannabis sativa and Cannabis indica. The first thing a new user will pick up is which of the two they prefer.

Indica plants produce marijuana strains that give you a deep body high, often making you sleepy or “couch-locked”. Indica strains are used to treat chronic pain, anxiety, and insomnia.

Sativa plants produce marijuana strains that give you a creative and uplifting “mind high”.  Sativa strains are used to treat depression and are great at providing energy and focus.

Hybrids of the two plants create strains that combine benefits of both classifications and are directly influenced by the individual genetics of the plant. The resulting amount of choice is incredible. Hybrid strains   fall into the following categories:

Indica Dominant- Excellent for treating daytime pain.

Even- Strains that have an equal between a cerebral and body relaxing high.

Sativa Dominant- Energetic strains that boost focus and creativity without putting you to sleep.

One of the things I love about medical marijuana is the ability to try different medications easily. No going back to the Dr. for permission to try something else, or weeks of slowly tapering off one drug so you can try another. Marijuana puts the user in control in an extremely liberating way.

 Weed for Beginners

How to Get Cannabis Legally

To obtain weed legally in the US, you must visit a recreational marijuana dispensary in one of the four states that have legalized weed. A marijuana dispensary is simply a store, filled with pot. It’s amazing. You must be 21 or over and have identification.
To legally use marijuana medically in states where it is available, you must apply for a marijuana registration card; a process that requires a Dr. visit, application fees and about a one month wait time.

How to Cannabis is Consumed

Cannabis is enjoyed in many ways. The most popular method with the easiest self-dosage control is to smoke it. You can smoke weed in a joint or a blunt or a pipe or a bong. Steps can be taken to reduce lung damage and respiratory problems, such as exhaling immediately, smoking weed high in THC, and using a water pipe (Bong!). Vaporizers are a healthy alternative to smoking, as are tinctures and edibles.

What Does The Stoner Mom Do?

I smoke sativas and Sativa-dominant hybrids pretty much exclusively, as I use marijuana to treat depression. Not only do I NOT fall into any bottomless pits of sorrow, I also gain an energy boost better than coffee (with zero calories) and a sense of purpose and joy with my kids that cannot be matched.
I use one of my many water pipes to consume weed, but I also enjoy vaping with one of my many vaporizers. I love edibles as well, my favorites on the market are Incredibles and Cheeba Chews.

From productivity to getting busy, the 10 BEST Strains for Moms.

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Curated Reading List

By The Stoner Mom

About Medical Marijuana

Medical Jane – My favorite source for medical marijuana information

Colorado Marijuana Law Links

Marijuana in General

The Cannabist– The Denver Post’s pot zine
Leafly–  A great site for looking up strains