Should your kids see you high?
The Stoner Mom tries very hard to come from a non-judgemental place. I understand that the practices in my home are unique to me, I don’t expect readers to hold them as the standards for responsible stoner parenting. It’s important to me to share my practices as a stoner mom, simply because there are not a lot of good examples of normal stoner moms out there.
You’ve read from my parenting philosophies that I believe very strongly in the power of modeling. As the mother and stepmother to three daughters, I know that everything they learn about being a woman, mother, and wife, will be from me. My stepson will look to my husband as the man he wants to be, and thus I will be the example of “wife” in a relationship. I take this role extremely seriously. Remembering my importance in the children’s formation keeps me focused and serious about them. I repeat it like a mantra, think on it before I pick them up from school, draw from it when they are frustrating me. These kind of mind tricks are very helpful for a stoner since the pleasures of weed can make you forget why the hell you even walked into the room, let alone know the proper way to handle every parenting situation that may arise.
I do not believe that your children should see you intoxicated on anything. Be it doped up on prescription pills, drunk and offensive at the family reunion, shooting up heroin or stoned on pot while cooking dinner *cough cough*. Our children deserve the comfort and innocence that comes from knowing their mother is in control. A stable and constant mother is essential for children to feel safe. Having a parent addicted to any substance, any behavior that takes away from their childhood, is extremely toxic and does not bode well for their adulthood.
Keep in mind the question is, should your kids see you high. Not should your kids be educated by you about marijuana, drugs, their bodies, their minds, your political views, etc. An important rule to parenting is to not bring adult problems and adult situations to your children. This isn’t about hiding your beliefs or painting a picture of hypocrisy. This is about protecting your children’s childhood. Always. The world won’t do that for them, but I will. I will not visit my adult interests, addictions, problems, or proclivities, on them. They deserve a childhood.
In my time apart from my children I revel in the naughty stuff I enjoy that gives me the identity outside of “mom” that I crave. No matter what though, those dual sides of me do not meet in front of my children. I’m really good at compartmentalizing myself like that. Post-divorce life makes it easy because there is an end to my responsibilities every week.
I don’t want my children to have memories of me stoned and sleepy and not paying attention. I don’t want them to remember the times they’ve asked for a snack and I forgot because something shiny in the kitchen caught my eye. I don’t want them to have memories of coughing or smoke or filth.
The things I want them to remember, when their memories of their childhood are fading from their middle-aged brains, I want them to remember the blur of my face kissing theirs. The feeling that I was always available to them. I want them to remember sitting at the dinner table with me, every day. The glow from my phone as they drift off to sleep and I wait patiently, letting them know I’m there. That when they let their guard down, mother is always there. Mom is always mom, always the same, always in control of herself, always keeping them safe.