I was listening to Kendrick Lamar in the car the other day and was particularly enjoying Complexion (A Zulu Love). A song about skin tone, colorization, segregation, slavery, race and gangs.

I ain’t talkin’ Jay, I ain’t talkin’ Bey
I’m talkin’ days we got school watchin’ movie screens
And spike your self esteem
The new James Bond gon’ be black as me

Black as brown, hazelnut, cinnamon, black tea
And it’s all beautiful to me

Call your brothers magnificent, call all the sisters queens
We all on the same team, blues and pirus, no colors ain’t a thing.


While listening my mind is thinking upon the many complexions celebrated in my home. Among the six of us in this beautiful blended family we encompass a lovely range of complexions.

The Stoner Mom is half-Filipino and half white-girl. My ex-husband is white with dark hair and bright blue eyes. This makes our daughters a quarter Filipino. My oldest has the same skin tone as me, a rich lighter brown that tans easily and doesn’t burn. Her hair is dark like mine as well. But her eyes… My oldest has grey eyes, eyes that don’t seem to have any color. When she was a baby they were more blue-grey. Her eyes always remind me of the book Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden. Remember that book? I loved it as a young woman and the main character possessed very unusual grey eyes.

My second child, with the same parentage as the first, well… she looks white. I don’t think anybody would have a clue that there were Filipinos anywhere in her family tree. Fair and delicate skin, medium brown hair, bright blue eyes. As a baby she was so fair I joked that I was the nanny instead of her mother. She definitely takes after her paternal side.

My husband has the large ruddy face of an Irishman, and in his youth was a total ginger. At some point that went away, his hair turned black, but the sun is still his kryptonite.

His children are half huge clunky Irishman and half delicately Korean perfectionists. Both built like athletes, golden tan skin and with a shock of brilliant red hair. They are gorgeous creatures.

I love looking over our children. I love that the components of this blended family are actually blended themselves. I love the uniqueness of our faces pressed together in kisses. Love clearly has no color, I can see just by looking at my family.



The Stoner Mom is a pulled-together, WAHM, SAHM, boo-boo kissing supermom. Most would assume she is not stoned. Most would be quite wrong.

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