A different kind of girl

I’ve had daddy issues since childhood. Craved older, powerful men when other girls were thinking about holding hands and movie dates. I felt like I was born into the wrong time or era. I was a bookworm, and I read a lot of world history and literature. Of particular interest has always been tales of scandal. Royal mistresses, political marriages, the maîtresse-en-titre, secret worlds of luxury and sex. At a young age I read biographies of all the famous french mistresses; Louise de la Valliere, Athenais de Montespan, Madam du Barry, Madame Pompadour. Eventually I branched off into reading the classics of sex and the female; Anna Karenina, Lolita, The Story of O, Madam Bovary. I have an obsession with tales of trapped women, unable to live their desires without shunning the world completely. The tales often end in suicide.

A pretty girl’s life has already been created for her. Born into a pretty box with pretty expectations.  The pretty girl in the box spends her time carefully poking holes in it, freeing herself without getting stuck on the standard female sins; Don’t be a whore. Don’t be a gold digger. Don’t crave sex. Be nice to all the other girls. And remember that men and women are equal.

Some women aren’t like that though. Some grow up with a deep understanding of seduction. Some women see power in their beauty and learning to harness and use that power becomes a life’s work.

I discovered Lana del Rey around the same time that I was the pampered mistress of a wealthy older man, so you can probably guess why I was drawn to her music. Lana is the persona created by Lizzy Grant, and with Lana’s alcoholism, taste for older men, sexual confidence, and disdain for standard relationships, I feel like she was created just for me. Themes of daddy issues, celebrity, submission, open use of drugs, dysfunctional relationships, anti-feminism. Basically, every song she makes fills a spot in my brain that has never been reached by another woman, ever. Well… Except for Anne Rice. When she wrote Belinda (another childhood favorite of mine).

Women just don’t talk about this kind of stuff. You don’t make girlfriends by bringing up all the marriages you’ve busted up or the illegitimate babies you’ve born. They don’t want to know about free vacations and jewels or when you were 15 and your “boyfriend” was 29. And that’s exactly the stuff I like to talk about.

But man, Lana gets it.


I want money and all your power, all your glory
Hallelujah, I wanna take you for all that you got
Hallelujah, I’m gonna take them for all that they got


The misunderstood woman gets angry and defiant. She takes that role you cast her in, as whore or gold digger. She takes that role and puts it on and in the end the last laugh is on you.

My Birthday Giveaway

Typing this stoned at age 33. I had a birthday this weekend, a wonderful one. The children gave me sweet cards and gifts, the husband gave me a “joy box” full of cannabis and concentrates. I got a new banger for more efficient dabs that had me soaring all weekend. Dinner at Fruition was yummy but most of all was the company, my yummy older husband that ‘gets’ me more than any other man ever could.

I am feeling pretty good about 33, and to celebrate, I’m hosting a little giveaway on my YouTube Channel. What’s the prize? A brand new Fez, my portable vaporizer of choice. I use it often, usually when I’m being taken out for dinner or when I’m trying to be as discreet as possible in the house. You can check out my detailed fez tutorial and review here and if you would like a fez of your own now is your chance!

To enter The Stoner Mom’s Fez Giveaway:

Go to my YouTube Channel and watch my latest video: Fez Giveaway + Baby Pics. To enter you MUST COMMENT on that video only. Your comment should answer the following question:

Why do you choose cannabis?

Gotta say, I’ve gotten some pretty awesome answers. Here are the rules: One comment per person. The comment that I like the most will be the winner. Winner will be announced in my next video, and I will be in touch with the winner for mailing information. Good luck!


Motivational Monday (sometimes Tuesday hehe) is The Stoner Mom’s weekly music post dedicated to introducing moms to some non-dorky jams. Or maybe it’s just an excuse for The Stoner Mom to listen to her favorite jams? In 2015 I highlighted my favorite rap songs. This year I’m covering just, my all time favorites. Next year I’ll probably mess ya’ll up with my favorite opera jams. Expect a lot of Maria Callas. 


The Stoner Mom is a pulled-together, WAHM, SAHM, boo-boo kissing supermom. Most would assume she is not stoned. Most would be quite wrong.

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