STONER VLOG | visiting a head shop for a new water pipe!
Head Shop Anxiety
A Sunday morning in the suburbs of Colorado. Husband and wife are along, the kids are gone for the day. We get up, take showers and get ready together. Coffee and a few rips off the bong for me while he gathers things up, then, into his car.
It’s crisp and sunny, and David and I are heading to visit Myxed Up Creations, a head shop in Denver. I need a new bong badly but I hate going bong shopping alone. Because I’m 34 freaking years old.
So, head shops. First, of all, what even is that? In my mind, it’s always been called a smoke shop, but head shop seems to be the preferred term. It’s a store where one can buy a number of stoner specific items. Bongs, chillums, hookahs, pipes, bubblers, ash catchers, bowls, dab rigs, paper, vaporizers and inevitably, tie-dyed stuff and incense. Head shops are a stoner’s paradise!
But, for the stoner with advanced age syndrome, I know they can be intimidating.
We have a lot of vague fears about the unknown. We’re afraid that we will look dumb in front of the cool kids. Or that head shops live under some weird state of illegality, like international waters or something. We’re afraid the staff will see that we don’t know what a stem is and that they will judge us for it.
The truth is that unless you trip and fall into a display of bongs, you aren’t going to make an ass out of yourself. And head shops are totally legal in all 50 states. And the staff at a head shop is pretty much always a stoner, which means you’re in for some extremely friendly and detailed sales advice.
So today I’m urging you to embrace your stoner identity and to represent it by making a trip to your local head shop, in person. If you’re local you could try Myxed Up Creations, and then go get fish & chips nearby, like we did last Sunday. It was delicious.
Anyway, here are some tips for your first trip to a head shop, for the more neurotic of my readers. Like me. Enjoy!
7 Tips for Visiting a Head Shop
1 . Go With a Friend
Everything is easier when you have a friend to feel stupid with. Obvious bonus if you go with a stoner friend who will show you the ropes. However, ignorant friends work too, as long as they aren’t judgmental sticks-in-the-mud.
2. Make it an Event
Let’s be clear. Buying a bong is FUN. It is sooo much fun! Make it even more fun by planning your first trip to the head shop as a real event. You’re gonna make plans, invite your friend, get stoned in the parking lot before going in, and then wooo! Bong shopping!
Here’s the best part though. After your purchase, you and your squad go back to the pad, and you break that baby in. You are going to get so stoned, and you are going to be so delighted that you went.
3. Embrace your Inner Airhead
Tip from someone who regularly plays dumb: embrace your inner airhead. When you don’t understand something, speak up! Ask questions. Get clarity. People are usually delighted for a chance to show off their expertise, that’s what being in sales is about. When you set the stage as the dumb one in the interaction, you position them as the teacher. You’re practically doing them a favor by expressing your ignorance.
4. Recognize the Investment Involved
Head shops are very often in a shit part of town. There is this stigma attached to them, much like being a stoner I guess, of an establish that lacks respectability. A cheap and dark place. Then you get the balls to go in one and realize the average bong is far more than you were planning on spending, and now the guy is showing you a piece that is $3,000. WTF just happened!?
5. Don’t Overwhelm yourself with Choice…
It can be overwhelming to shop for glass. Not only is it expensive, but it all blends together, making it difficult to remember which pieces you really liked while checking out inventory. When you see one that interests you, ask the sales person to take it out, but keep your selection small, say five or less, and then start eliminating, one by one. The last one standing is the chosen bong!
6. … but don’t box yourself in
But remember to be flexible because you never really know what the head shop has until you get there. If the point is to just get something to smoke weed out of, then you don’t have to box yourself in with different criteria. You may go in thinking you want a beaker style bong, only to find something completely different that you love. And that’s perfectly alright. Stoners go through a lot of glass in a lifetime. I promise you’ll have plenty of chances to nab that beaker bong later.
7. Get high first. Then get high after.
I mean, duh.
Big, huge, gigantic, mom hugs to Myxed Up Creations for inviting us down. Amazing people, fantastic selection, and close to a fish & chips place. What more could you ask for? Visit them at one of their four Colorado locations, and check out their online shop!