A Rant about Why Parents Use Cannabis

In my capacity as The Stoner Mom I receive a lot of judgement from people who have zero cannabis education. Like, none. So I get why other parents, especially mothers, refuse to come out of the cannabis closet. People are dicks and assume a plethora of things based on their evenings watching Fox news with their hands in their pants. I’d like to say this clearly to those people; your preconceptions based on your ancient, public school drug education program does NOT QUALIFY YOU TO SPEAK OUT AS TO WHY EDUCATED ADULTS USE MARIJUANA.

Let’s please end the judgment, and educate the masses about the real reasons why parents use cannabis. This isn’t about escaping from our children, eating Cheetos and not holding a job. Consenting, responsible adults, who also happen to have kids, use marijuana for a variety of benign reasons, none leading to blowing up one’s home manufacturing drugs, or going into sex work exclusively to support one’s habit. Let’s begin.

Pain Relief

Headaches, migraines, allergies, asthma, PMS, menstrual cramps, arthritis. Various aches and pains related to carrying a 30 lb child on one hip all day. Easing inflammation, you know, because you just had a baby and can’t put weight on your feet because the swelling is so awful. Treating nausea, because you’d rather not vomit your guts out completely, and getting to the Dr for anti-nausea medication is a pain in the fucking ass. Also, good luck trying to keep anti-puking meds down. Anytime I get a cold, I’m hitting the bong because my head and body will instantly stop aching, my throat will cease to hurt, and I’ll be able to focus on something other than my own misery. Like my kids.

Anxiety and Depression

I use Cannabis because it saved my life. It singlehandedly ended suicidal thoughts that Welbutrin and Zoloft could never touch. With a depressive mood disorder and four children to care for, I take my mental health more seriously than most. So to people who don’t get it, I have very little patience for you, because you clearly have very little empathy for the mentally sick. And that makes you a crap person.

Insomnia

Cannabis is a natural and harmless way to treat insomnia, unlike popular pharmaceuticals that are highly addictive, make you feel like shit, and can be unsafe to take when responsible for children. Anyone who claims to be a supporter of parents should support them getting sleep. Pot helps thousands of people get to sleep every night.

Recreation

You know how consenting adults like to go out to legal establishments, get shit-faced and then proceed to get violent, stupid, annoying, troublesome and then barf all over the place?  Well, those people are exercising their right to use an age-old substance for recreation, and no one seems to bat an eyelash, even if it leads to domestic abuse, violence, rape, drunk driving, cancer, and a variety of social ills for our nation’s youth.

So yeah, just so you know? Parents use cannabis at the end of a long day to relax. At home. In their underwear. Watching the news. Then they go to sleep. They aren’t smoking pot and then roaming the streets looking to get into some drama. And if they are, it usually ends up at a fast food joint.

Serious Health Issues

The kind that people who are anti-cannabis don’t have. Like HIV/AIDS, Cancer, PTSD, MS, Crohn’s Disease. Post-partum depression and debilitating anxiety. Like seizures, even in children. Like spinal cord injury, epilepsy and wasting syndrome. Like Hepatitis C, Lou Gehrig’s Disease, Alzheimer’s and muscle spasm disorders. Like Fibromyalgia, Fibrous dysplasia, Parkinson’s disease, and Lupus. Like Post-Concussion Syndrome, and residual limb pain. Like Tourette Syndrome and Traumatic Brain Injury. Like Interstitial cystitis and IBS.

Don’t have any of these? How nice for you. It’s easy to pass judgement on the sick, but is that really the kind of person you want to be?

As an Aphrodisiac

Parents are sometimes married or partnered. Parents are often getting up there in the years. We can go on Viagra, and risk going blind I guess, or maybe we can just get a little high, get rock hard and bang the crap out of our wives? Oh, and there’s all that about the female orgasm, and how cannabis is known to increase the likelihood of achieving one. But what’s a little thing like, a satisfying sex life, to parents?

I know I’m slightly less sweet than I usually am in this article. But I just can’t tell you how tired I am of people thinking their opinion counts when it comes to YOUR health choices. The thing is, I used to be that person, so I understand that there is hope. I’m just a little impatient these days, for the world to catch up with the science. For people to get out of the certainty of their own opinions. For the judgement and harrassment to stop. For moms everywhere to feel safe about their cannabis-friendly lifestyle. Help me spread the word okay?