Lessons in Adulting: Spring Cleaning is for Stoners too

The annual deep-clean is a beloved ritual in the life of a home. Meant to rid the domicile of the winter’s stagnant air; spring cleaning starts off the new, warmer season with a fresh smelling, reorganized home. Opening windows and shaking out dust accumulated over the previous months. In the US it coincides with tax season, our annual reminder to look at our finances, change the batteries in our smoke detectors, and rotate our mattresses.

I guess, not everyone likes the idea of spending several days doing housework. I mean, it is work. It’s not exactly glamorous or fun or thought-provoking. But maintaining your home, isn’t that something everyone feels some responsibility for?

I think the first step to spring cleaning is to toss aside any preconceived notions about home-maintenance and gender. Do you live someplace? Yes? Ok, then it’s your responsibility to take care of it. It really has nothing to do with your private parts.

Now, it’s no secret here that I, The Stoner Mom, really like to clean my house stoned. Like, I enjoy it. It soothes me, entertains me for an entire day, and I always feel so good about the results. In a recent podcast episode I talked about the link between clutter and depression. If you or someone you live with suffers from anxiety or depression, keeping a clean, soothing environment is a wonderful step towards mental clarity. To focus our scattered ADD brains we need to decrease the stuff that invades our line of sight as we gaze across the room. Every item out is something that our brain takes a micro-moment to process. How many micro-moments are you stealing from your brain with visual clutter?

Spring cleaning is not just about organization though, it’s about really deep cleaning the home. This is for health and hygiene and for maintaining the value of likely your largest investment. Young home buyers often underestimate the amount of work it takes to keep a physical structure working efficiently.

David and I had to get a kinda big house because we’ve got six humans and one large walrus and one cat. The yard is big too, and requires a lot of upkeep, especially if you have a large walrus living back there like I do. I’ve had to really figure out a game plan to keep this place looking passable should anybody ring the doorbell. That’s where the real work in housework is honestly, the daily picking up and wiping down and animal hair removal. The annual hours blocked out and set aside for spring cleaning? Easy compared to daily upkeep of a big house and six humans (and walrus).

A 5-Step Outline that Works

I have the same basic steps for any large-scale housework project: Sort, Store, Deep Clean, Deferred Maintenance and Systematizing.

Sort: the basic technique of evaluating every item and dealing with it accordingly.
Store: finding solutions for your personal storage needs.
Deep Clean: this is the crap like cleaning the tracks of the windows and vacuuming air vents.
Deferred Maintenance: this refers to making small repairs around the house that have been put off for so long that they have become invisible to the inhabitants. Toilets that don’t flush right, baseboards that went flying off during vacuuming, holes in the walls, changing the burned out bulbs in the dumb, impossible-to-reach light-fixture that came with your home.
Systematizing: refers to building systems to keep the home running smoothly. I talk about this a lot, like here, and here, and here. Things like setting up a self-serve breakfast station, having a good cleaning routine, arranging the entry for the daily stampeded of kids, shoes, backpacks, and water bottles. You know these things are a part of your daily life, so find a way to automate and organize them. Free up space in your brain for daily challenges other than where is her water bottle?!

So, with those steps in mind I have a Spring Cleaning Checklist to share. The checklist has several items to have in mind when sorting, storing, deep cleaning, maintaining, and systematizing. And don’t worry, I’ve got a section on cleaning your stoner den on the checklist too. Oh, and best strains for embarking on this ambitious task? Read on stoner!

The Stoner Mom Spring Cleaning Checklist

Throughout the Home

De-clutter each room, assess and sort belongings, and implement new storage solutions if needed.
When deep-cleaning, work one room at a time!
Move all furniture a few inches away from the walls so you have room to get around.
Clean and dust. Start at the door and work counterclockwise. Always start cleaning from the top of the room, down. Dust ceiling fans, picture frames, corners of ceilings, and then work your way down, eventually vacuuming/sweeping the floor and all the dust that has fallen to the ground. Don’t forget to analyze the walls themselves. Wipe them down, especially in rooms like the kitchen, where splatter often makes it high on the walls.
Dust/clean baseboards and air vents. Magic erasers are great for baseboards!
Thoroughly vacuum rugs and carpets.
Spot treat carpets and rugs, shampoo yourself, or hire professionals.
Spot clean upholstered furniture and vacuum out.
Shake out, dust, or launder window treatments.
Mop all non carpeted floors.

Additionally, Room by Room
Entry/front closet

Shake out/replace rugs.
Swap footwear/winter accessories. Swap out cold weather gear for warmer weather items.
Swap coats, add lighter-weight jackets for all family members.

Laundry room

Perform routine maintenance on your washer and dryer. Keep vents clear and vacuum out dust from behind and around the dryer.
Clean the exterior of the washer and dryer and arrange laundry supplies.
Go through cleaning supplies, remove any items you don’t use or need.
If laundry is a dreaded task, consider an intervention to figure out how to make the job easier on the family.

Kitchen

Inspect the contents of all cabinets. If current organization is lacking, time to sort and store! But if you’re happy with your cabinets, don’t fix what ain’t broken.
Clean major appliances; the microwave, oven, and dish washer.
Clean out the refrigerator. Take out shelving and wash in the sink with hot soapy water.
Throw out old spices and other expired pantry items.
Reorganize pantry and fridge with kid friendly snacks available at eye level. Keep milk in the coldest part of your refrigerator.
Replace burned out lightbulbs and dust light fixtures.
Organize and clean under the sink.
Wash/sterilize the trash can.

Toiletries

Clean makeup brushes.
Replace expired/old makeup and lotions.
Inspect first-aid kit and all medications. Throw out old or expired medications. Replace any items that kept on hand.

Bathrooms

Clean the shower tiles. Scrub grout and remove soap scum.
Once the showers are clean consider adding a daily spray to surfaces clean.
Clean out the tracks of the shower door.
Replace shower curtain liners.
Launder shower curtains.
Treat faucets for hard-water deposits.
Clean toilets and make any necessary adjustments to repair flushing efficiency.
Organize bathroom storage.

Kids Rooms

Go through clothing and rotate seasonal items. If you keep clothing for the next child, put away items you are saving in one designated place. If you have multiple sizes use clear bags and label the size on the outside.

Linens

Throw out discolored, stained, ripped sheets and replace.
Store bedding sets together.
Swap out heavy bed linen for lighter ones. Clean before storing long-term.

Wardrobe (for all family members)

Rotate out heavy winter coats with lighter spring jackets.
Wash/dry clean winter coats before you store them long-term.
Donate/discard clothing no longer wanted.
Gather anything in the house that needs mending and schedule a sit-down, stoned sewing session.

Garage/Cars

Pull the cars out.
Assess current storage spaces and sort and store!
Wash the floor. At Casa de la Stoner we use a power washer. If you don’t have one, use a wide, coarse, push-broom. After a thorough sweeping, mop the floor with a degreaser and hot water. Use a stiff bristled brush and heavy-duty laundry detergent on oil stains. Rinse thoroughly.
Clean the interior of the cars. This is a great post on how to detail your minivan on your own. Vacuum everything, and then use a non-abrasive scrub pad and detergent spray (1 cup laundry detergent and 2 cups water) to clean the floor and upholstery.
Use Magic Erasers for scuff marks and stains.
Add air freshener and enjoy!

Car seats

Always defer to the car seats manual for instructions on cleaning!
Never use an abrasive brush or cleaning agent on the harness.
Use a sponge, hot water, gentle soap, and rags. Clean the harness and seat cover.
Never remove the harness.
Remove the cover and wipe, shake out the goldfish and rocks. It may take a lot of shaking.
Vacuum the seat with an attachment hose and narrow nozzle.
Let air dry in the sun.

Stoner Den

Clean all your pieces! To do this, add rubbing alcohol and salt to each bong and shake it like a Polaroid picture. For pipes, stems, bowls, and smaller pieces, place in a large ziplock and add rubbing alcohol and salt. Gently swirl and let the solution sit for several minutes before rinsing and wiping.
Wipe down and clean vaporizer chambers.
Clean all your pokey tools so they continue to work well.
Throw out broken pieces.
Reassess and organize your storage area.
Clean ashtrays and trash cans.
Perform a cannabis safety audit if sharing a home with kids.
Freshen the area you do the most smoking. Make it comfy and relaxing and as indulgent as you can get away with. Add an expensive candle for lux stoner sessions on your evening breaks.

Great Strains for tackling Spring Cleaning

The following strains are all-powerful, motivating, and high in supply. These are common strains that shouldn’t be too difficult to find. Really communicate to your bud-tender that you are looking for an energetic and cerebral experience. They should be able to help steer you from any sedating strains.

Green Crack
Jack Herer
Sour Diesel
Gorilla Glue
Durban Poison

A Basic Cleaning Timeline for Stoners

Here’s the preferred timeline for tackling any long day of cleaning:

Start by cleaning your bong.
Load it up with some sweet, sweet dank.
Find some tunes to keep you moving, or a great podcast to help you forget what you’re doing.
Keep that bong with your cleaning supplies as you move from space to space.

Ta da!

For a little extra push I’ve cued up my Motivational Monday playlist from 2015- filled with all sorts of jams that will have you shaking your hips and helping you GSD. Not GOMD. That’s something else. You can listen to it above or find it here on my YouTube channel. And, if hip hop ain’t your thing, here’s my more pop centered 2016 Playlist, thus far.

So, my dear stoner friends-in-arms! Here’s to you this spring! Let’s get our stoner spaces into shape this season so we can relax and really enjoy our time in our home, blazing away.

xxoo The Stoner Mom