Giving In

The reasons I love this song are really personal, but I’m going to go there. I’m not stoned either.

Florence sings about suicide a lot. She’s obsessed with sadness, with water, with death, with Virginia Woolf for godssakes. And so I love her. I adore her ethereal voice, hugely powerful and controlled, achieving sounds akin to some sort of otherworldly forest creature. An angels voice, singing about dark things.

I’ve been sad. I’ve been sad my whole life. As an adult I have learned to understand it. What it comes from (many things, my very character included). And that sadness can be beautiful. Sadness can make us see the preciousness of life. Sadness can make us want to stay here.

Sometimes I need to be sad. Never Let Me Go is a favorite song to play on the piano, when the house is empty and I become that person I’ve always been. Sad girl. Singing and crying and playing and loving. The song of a drowned girl. A girl comforted to be at rest.

the arms of the ocean are carrying me
all this devotion was rushing out of me
the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me
But the arms of the ocean delivered me

Sometimes it’s nice to be able to just say ‘I want to give in’, without everyone wanting to have you committed. But I get it. Because I’ve been to the dark side too, when it wasn’t just the beauty in sad words, but real darkness.

And it’s over
and I’m going under
But I’m not giving up, I’m just giving in
I’m slipping underneath
So cold and so sweet

And so, when I feel that way, this is the song I play. And I think of a day when I am very, very old, and I can finally rest my head.

Motivational Monday (sometimes Tuesday hehe) is The Stoner Mom’s weekly music post dedicated to introducing moms to some non-dorky jams. Or maybe it’s just an excuse for The Stoner Mom to listen to her favorite jams? In 2015 I highlighted my favorite rap songs. This year I’m covering my all-time favorite songs. Next year I’ll probably mess ya’ll up with my favorite opera jams. Expect a lot of Maria Callas.