Stoner Adventures: Buying Weed on Christmas

On Christmas of all days, I found myself childless and low on weed. And so, I did what one does when they live in Colorado. I had David drive Abby and I to the only marijuana dispensary that was open on Christmas (that we could find). Buckle up! It’s Stoner Adventure Time!

When hubby drives for us its the best. We’re free to get stoned and we don’t have to fret about our terrible parking skills. I bring my little diamond glass rig on trips like this, so BFF and I can psyche ourselves up to walk into the dispensary. Anxiety ridden women we are. That’s why we smoke weed.

The Green Solution had one location open about 30 minutes from me, so that was our destination. I have been inside a Green Solution by my house a few times, so I knew what the layout and experience would be like. Very pricey pot, very stingy portions, very good quality and very good selection. The Green Solution is totally not my favorite dispensary, but it is the one I refer to newbies who need to see what a commercialized medical product marijuana has become. If you’re looking for a friendly staff, top shelf weed, and unbeatable prices in Colorado, I go with 14er Holistics. 

Anyway, I assumed The Green Solution would be busy, I didn’t assume David would get yelled at by an old-lady stoner over parking spaces. Insert awkward emoticon face. He opted to wait in the car, probably wise. The place was jam-packed and it’s a looooong ass wait. The staff is composed of stoners. Be sure to pee before you go in.

Maybe you’re wondering, what kind of people are hanging out at the weed store on Christmas? Well… a lot of old people actually. By old I mean my age. Lots of thirty-something women, elderly ladies too. A varied crowd. There were some out-and-out weirdos, I will acknowledge, but the seemingly sane dominates the customer base. I think. There was a dude that told Abby out of nowhere that if he were a “dishonest person” he would have pick pocketed her. UHHHHH…. thank you??! WTF!


Anyway, The Green Solution carries all sorts of merchandise, from topical solutions to tchotchkes. And, since they know you’re going to be standing there forever, they have all that stuff right where you can look at it while waiting for your turn with a budtender.

When you do get your turn, you are taken to the “bar” where you can see what strains are available and review the information on screens at eye level. This is where Green Solution excels. Having that much information at the ready for the customer is incredible and empowering. Their selection is large, and their budtenders know what they are talking about and will help the uninitiated make an appropriate choice.




Unfortunately, there are some things that Green Solution gets wrong. At most dispensaries you chat with your budtender while they weigh the cannabis right in front of you. There is a sort of hands-on element to weed shopping, since budtenders will let you sniff and inspect the weed before you decide. Most dispensaries feel like traditional apothecaries with their glass jars of medication right behind the counter.

Green Solution is not like that. This is very much a commercial establishment. You get in line. you look at weed from behind glass, you make your choice,  you get in another line, your choice is packaged without you watching, you pay, you leave. It is a far less personal experience.

The Green Solution is expensive. There is no personal relationship. No rounding up when weighing because your budtender thinks you’re cute.

The benefits of The Green Solution though… they have locations everywhere, all throughout Colorado. Their stores are attractive and well thought out. They offer an abundance of merchandise and have plenty of staff. They sell much more than just weed (or ‘flower’ as we call it at the store), they have edibles and clones and seeds and sweatpants. They have a customer loyalty card. It’s a very safe place to start, and its a decent place to run in if you need a small amount or a specific strain. It’s not the place to go for the best customer experience, or to buy an ounce of weed unless it’s a super hard-to-find strain.

At this visit I picked up some Chem OG and Cindy White, both because of their high THC percentages. Upon trying Cindy White at home I fell in love with it, and had to share this strain with you guys. It’s a 2015 Cannabis Cup winner and my heavens you can see why. Once you’re high. In the sky.

Cindy White

Cinderella 99 x white widow
Sativa Dominant Hybrid
2015 Cannabis Cup People’s Choice

Okay, so Cindy White is so good, it makes going to the trouble of acquiring it totally worth it. The moment Cindy White hit my brain I was sold. Highly motivating, uplifting, and wickedly potent, this is the kind of strain that becomes the stuff of legends. Stay tuned for shoutouts in rap songs (‘cindy white got me feelin aight’).

The High

My favorite feature of Cindy White is how it brings out the social talker in me. I become a Chatty Cathy, reminiscing and reveling in story-telling. I get a very heady, sativa buzz that makes my mouth start yammering. Also super effective for creative thought. I swear I had like one hundred amazing business ideas when smoking this stuff.

I love how positive and motivated Cindy White makes me feel. This is such a great strain for daytime medication. Super high functioning, and yet there is no doubt that you’re stoned.

Now, here is why it is so important for people to understand how marijuana effects them individually. My poor sweet husband tried ONE bong hit while I was putting my kids to bed. By the time I was done I found him so very stoned from that one hit, and he wasn’t doing well. He can function and stuff, it’s not like that, but he gets super paranoid that nobody loves him and everything he does is wrong. So anyway, Cindy White is totally not a strain for weirdos like my husband who seem to be mega effected by high amounts of THC.

A shame too, because Cindy White seems to have some great pain relief qualities, something I typically associate with indica strains. It also increases the appetite so is a great strain for housewives that don’t eat (guilty).


She’s super frosty, ie, covered in crystalized trichomes, making an abundance of keif to top your bowls with. Cindy White produces compact, dense nuggets, with a very pleasant, non-skunky smell. When I smoke it, I get a strong woody and earthy taste and with a very slight sweetness after exhale. Vaping Cindy White brings out it’s herbaly, pine notes, and tastes fresh and clean on the tongue. Her lack of a strong “weed” odor is another reason Cindy White makes such a great daytime medication. And, when your THC is so high, it will only take you one or two hits to get the results you’re looking for.

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The Stoner Mom is a pulled-together, WAHM, SAHM, boo-boo kissing supermom. Most would assume she is not stoned. Most would be quite wrong.

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